This face means business

This face means business

If only I were the Lord High Ruler (my preferred title . . .) of the Olympic games, I would change some things.

First, I would make it MANDATORY for all US athletes to know the Star Spangled banner so that they could sing it.  Seriously.  We’re supposed to be patriotic; it’s written in our collective DNA as a country.  It is embarrassing to me that our “winners” grin goofilly and look around nervously.  Belt it out while you cry big sloppy tears!  The Canadians are doing it, for-cryin’-out-loud!

Secondly, I would tell all NBC camera men to “Back the truck up!”  I have seen more private and uncomfortable moments in the last two weeks than I care to see ever again.  Crotch shot of Apolo Ohno? Lindsay Vonn’s husband telling her to suck it up as she sobbed happy tears?  Julia Mancusso trying to be frustrated in private?  Colorful language between a coach and Shawn White? Check, check, check aaaand check.  *shudder!* Please, give us the pre-taped stories and then do generalized pans of the action from a safe distance.

Third, I would eliminate those unfortunate patterns on the backside of the women’s bobsleigh jerseys (or outfits or sleigh-suits . . . ) because it looks like enlarged cellulite.  No woman wants that.  Has anyone showed them their bums?  I feel embarrassed for them every time I see it.

Lastly, I would outlaw negative and snarky commentary during figure skating.  Scott?  Peggy?  You sound like mean girls and you’re ruining it for us.  Didn’t you learn that if you don’t have anything nice to say, you zip it?  Sheesh!

The sweeping reform I could enact!  Too bad I can’t get myown kids to follow directions . . . Maybe I’ll start there.