I realized this afternoon that I was breathing. Honest-to-goodness quiet, steady breaths.

It’s been awhile.

The entirety of Penny’s pregnancy was filled up with things to-do, items that needed to be done, tasks to complete. It wasn’t even until we were between contractions in the hospital that Jac and I looked –really looked- at each other and said, “We’re having a baby.” It wasn’t until then that we let it sink in.

So my shoulders have been tight, my gut anxious and my breath short and forced. The list of “before the baby comes!” things we should do was long. The schooling that was or was not happening  weighed on me. Parcelling out time to all of our commitments and keeping the plates spinning was exhausting.

But as I breathed this afternoon, I relished that it didn’t matter. The baby is here and the things we did get done were helpful but the stuff that wasn’t completed? So what? School, though the kids clamor for it NOW (where was this zeal two weeks ago?),  doesn’t have to happen. And the pressing, squeezing feeling I feel most days to get things done in a timely manner so I can move on to the next thing, is suspended, held at bay by a babe whose schedule and needs take precedence over everything.

So I breathe and store away these feelings, hoping that as we begin to emerge slowly from this cocoon that I can remember this lesson. And I am savoring that nothing is so pressing as sweet snuggles and sleep.