As we left the library on Saturday, I noticed the metermaid. Is that what you kids call them these days? Probably not as the term “maid” implies it’s a female only position and is therefore sexist and therefore gone the way of the secretary, hostess and stewardess.
There are just a few meter folk in town, all of them female. We know who they are not just because of their smart uniforms (can you call navy cargo pants and a white polo “smart”? I just did. . .) and the marking stick thing but because of the speed with which they walk. And THAT’S what caught my attention on Saturday.
My thought went something like this:
“Ugh. These kids! Why do they have to fight? I’m gonna run away. Hey! Look at her! She’s FAST! I wonder if she runs races on her off time. “Her off time.!!” Psh! Like she’d run races while she’s working! No, but seriously, that walking? That’s some good training right there.”
My train of thought is usually like this. Frightening, no?
Then I thought, Why would she race in her off time? It’d be like me folding clothes in my down time.
Ha! Down time . . .
From there I began to consider what sorts of things I could do competively simply by what I do on a regular basis. Behold the Mom Olympics!
Laundry folding – a timed event judged on neatness and the ability to get things in the correct stacks
Laundry stacking – from the days laundry doesn’t get folded and is just piled up, the event would measure how high the laundry can be stacked and then scaled by a small child
Dishwasher Loading – Who can get the most dishes in the dishwasher and have them come out clean?
Diapering – obviously a speed-based event to get a child out of poopy clothes and diaper and into clean stuff
Child wrestling – self explanatory
Car loading – A more artitistic event (think rhythmic gymnastics) that involves multiple children, coats, a diaper bag, stroller(s), and 3 car seats.
Grocery Shopping Slalom – 1 list, 1 cart, 6 children, and a busy store. Can the competitor make it through the course before someone has a tantrum/wets their pants/breaks something? This is the parenting X-Games.
By the time we got home, I was dreaming up logos and sponsorships – the works. I came to realize that maybe the meter lady wasn’t a racer but I bet she would be if she could do it for fun and profit. I totally would. So who’s in? I’m basically in constant training so I’m ready when you are.
Yes! This is the competition for me! I can’t catch a ball to save my life, but you should see how many dishes I can stuff into a dishwasher.