FOR SALE

1 three-year-old female.  Dark hair, dark eyes, impish smile.  Has boundless energy except when asked for obedience and has some difficulty listening and responding to commands.  Comes with paci, set of pink clothing and oodles of hair accessories. Serious inquiries only.

FREE TO GOOD HOME

11 month old, female border collie mix.  Energetic, neurotic dog is good with kids and at barking.  Comes with collar, leash, chewed up food and water bowls and a kennel she refuses to use.  We’ll pay you to take her!

IMMEDIATE OPENING

Looking for an individual or robot who is self-motivated to fill the position of cook/housekeeper/laundress/teacher.  Paid in occasional thanks and compliments and your favorite shows DVR-ed.  Call for application and to set up interview.

MISSING

Lost my cool this afternoon somewhere between demands for 3 different items for lunch, Tess ignoring me for the millionth time and  Monday getting loose AGAIN and getting into a brawl with a neighbor dog. Please call if you have seen or know where to find my resolve.

WANTED

A vacation.  Anywhere will do.