I pride myself on my ability to get an idea across. I like to think I’m a good communicator – I did competitive speech in FFA, became an emcee in college and I can explain the craziest of games.
Then I had kids.
For whatever reason, most of the time I am not speaking the same language they are.
Don’t get me wrong, most of a message makes it through translation, but little things – important details – are often slightly jumbled. I wish I knew exactly how it happens – is it me? Do I mumble? Is it them? Do they need their ears cleaned? – because I’d try and stamp it out in the begining. Instead, these malapropisms get passed around and shared like the common cold or the latest slang and before you know it, it’s everywhere. Everyone, Jac and I included, are using the new words or terms and there’s no stopping it.
As bothersome as this can be, (“Do you know what he’s talking about???”) it’s also pretty humorous. Below are my favorites from this summer with their assumed progenitor.
“My poquito bites are itching!” – Tess
“Philip, wash your face. You don’t want to look like a muffinraggin.” – Max
“Can you tie my steekers?” – Philip
“Was that dinosaur a carnivor or a pervavore?” – Max
“We need to buy mentos to do our experimience!” – Philip
“Ugh. I feel like I’m going to varmint.” – Max
“Can I have some more root-beard in my float, please?” – Tess
“Did you see that? I hit the bows eye!” – Max
“If it starts to rain, we’re going to have to put our pancheros on.” – Max
I’ve gone back and forth about wheather or not to give the translation or context for these gems. I’ve decided against it so that you can feel like I do when I hear them. If you get really stumped, let me know and I can clarify. Now if only someone could do that for me . . .