I’m trying to take them all in – the smells, the sounds, the teeny, tiny toes.
I kick myself now because I only made a feeble attempt to do this with the others. Part of it was that I took it for granted; time seemed to drag by most days and I assumed they’d be like this FOREVER. The other part was that I was working and in survival mode. I just needed to nurse the babe and pray they’d go to sleep so I could move onto the work that needed to be done. Ugh. It makes me sick and tired to think about those times and not be able to remember the finer points of the kiddos infancies.
So instead of dwelling on what I missed, I’m determined not to do it this time around. I think it helps that the older ones are a little more self-sufficient and interested in the babe than they were the last time around. It affords me a little more time. And with Mama Syd and Papa Chris here last week and Grandma taking them during the day this week, things are quiet and the time lends itself to reflection.
I am so thankful for these days. These moments. These little toes.
I find myself thinking the same things, and I don’t have three others to chase around! But it is just in my nature to want to go go go/do do do. I tell myself to just LOOK AT HER, STARE AT HER….she is going to be a gigantic big kid in no time and then I will miss her teensie tinyness, even though the days can seem so looooong right now. I am already forgetting things – it doesn’t help that I have a naturally bad memory, either! Add those wonky post-partum hormones to the mix and it’s a wonder we recall anything about those early weeks. I am glad that I took the time to actually write out what her birth was like, because if I hadn’t I don’t think I would trust that my memories of that event were even true! It’s the duplicity of motherhood – on the one hand, forgetfulness can be a good thing because then you don’t remember just how hard a newborn can be and you are much more likely to do it all again. On the other hand, I want to have all of those sweet details etched into my brain forever, but instead they seem so ethereal.
I am so glad that you are being blessed with the luxury of time and quiet with little Ellie. She is a sweet little thing, have I told you that yet? 🙂