We had to send Mama Syd back to sunny CA, Papa Chris, fat Louie and her third graders this weekend. It was tough.
The despair was palpable at the airport and I tried valiantly to cover my own growing depression for the sake of the kiddos. I’m not sure how well I did.
It’s just that it was so nice to let someone else be in charge for a bit. That’s the thing no girl thinks about when she dreams of being a mom – how stinking exhausting it can be to always call the shots. Having mom here this week meant she did the laundry, made the lunches, folded the laundry, came up with projects, disciplined, cooked and let me defer. Come Saturday I wasn’t feeling ready or strong enough to take up that mantle again.
I whimpered something to Jac about being afraid that I couldn’t do it. How am I to “take it easy” and get it all done at the same time? “You’re not the only one who lives in the house, you know.” he replied. I know! I know. He valiantly rallied my failing heart and did cheerful things with us the rest of the day. And that night he sent me out to meet up with my college friends.
It was a relaxing evening – just the six of us and baby Elaina (who I got to chat and play with most of the night) – spent at a pizza place. But their company . . . so good. We talked about little things – restaurants we liked, movies, vacation plans – and big things – in-laws, moves, new homes, family worries. Because we know each other in a way you only know another by living with them, laughter comes easily and stresses are felt and shared without explanation. With them it is safe.
As I drove home later, I was anxious to see the family and to take up the responsibility of Mom again. The cloud I had been moping under all day that showered me with blues and futility had been blown away. “I will lose this baby weight in no time!” “I will get everything prepared before the baby gets here!” “Max will have a birthday party!” “Philip will stop whining!” “I can keep up with the laundry!” I was flooded with confidence, bolstered by the strength of my sisters. I basked in the glow of a can-do attitude.
Bless them, bless them.
**So far, I have kept up with the laundry. Philip has not stopped whining, but what can you do? I’ll keep you posted.